Am I pregnant, or did I just have bad Chinese?

This is definitely good Chinese, not to be confused with being pregnant

I know a lot of folks have heard about the young woman who recently gave birth to a ten pound baby and reportedly had no idea she was pregnant. She went full term and only found out she was pregnant and about to give birth when she started having "pains" and went to the hospital. Hmmmm. Did she now? I remember labor pains. They made me turn into a baby having banshee, traumatizing interns and terrorizing my husband. A little pain, they were not.

Am I the only one who just cannot get their heads around this? I have been fortunate enough to be pregnant three times in my life. Each time, there was no way in hell I didn't know an infant was inside of me. I felt the kicks and the unrelenting pressure on my bladder. What did she think that was? Lo mein gone wrong? When the baby stuck her little foot out and made her belly move, did she think she was possessed, because seriously, when they do that, it's a little weird even when you know you're pregnant. If I saw my belly move like that and wasn't pregnant, I would be calling Father O'Malley quick!

Not only that, you couldn't miss my belly. That thing was HUGE. My little girl number two was 9 pounds 4 ounces of baby goodness, and I looked like I had swallowed a Buick. This lady has a ten pounder, and she doesn't notice the protruding mass coming from her belly? I was over two hundred pounds when I was pregnant with kid #2, and you could easily tell I was pregnant. It looked like a baby, not a buffet muscle. She is quoted as saying she thought she had just put on some Christmas weight. I gained thirty pounds with kid number one and about that much with kid number two...that's a whole lot of sausage balls and cheesecake, my friend.

Thankfully, this story has a happy ending, and mother and child are doing well. After this, I bet anytime she has gas and farts, she's going to grab an EPT. No way is she assuming it's just the re-fried beans.

Amanda Z
Domesticology