12 ways to know you're dating Mr. Wrong!

My best friend who keeps me laughing

My good friend Katy* was recently asked how she knew her husband was the one. Apparently, they make having a relationship look easy, and someone wanted to know their secret. The answer is pretty simple, really. She picked the right guy, and he picked the right lady.

I have never bought into the school of thought that marriages are a lot of work. If you're working that hard, you picked the wrong partner. You spend your entire life trying to fit the square peg into the round hole. Why do that?

I've been married three times. The first time was to my high school sweetheart. I'm sure I'll get hate mail for this one, but never marry your high school sweetheart! You have no idea who you will grow up to be and nine times out of ten, you'll grow apart. The second time, my self-esteem was in the crapper, and I married a guy who had so many red flags, I must have been temporarily blind not to see them. Then, out of nowhere, Dr. Z came into my life, and I finally have the type of relationship I've always wanted. I want to save you some pain and have you learn from my mistakes. What did Katy and I do that helped us find the perfect man? Read on!

Don't marry him if....

• your family and friends hate him. If they think he's an asshole, he probably is. I can't tell you the number of women who marry men, even though everyone hates him. I've heard women say, "my mother/sister/friend is just jealous! She doesn't want me to be happy!" Listen, I'm a mom, sister and friend. I've told the girls in my life when a guy is a loser. I do not want them to be unhappy. That's why I point out the asshole qualities of their beau. So remember, if no one in your social group likes your man, DUMP HIM. You may be blind, but they aren't.
• you have to make excuses (see above). If you say comments like, "you just don't get him" or "you caught him on a bad day...he's not usually like that", you're kidding yourself.  Of course he is, honey. You're just embarrassed that we saw it. Grow some gonads and dump his sorry butt.
• he can't hold a job. This may seem petty, but it's not. It's not even about money - it's about stability. You don't want to have children with a man and worry all the time how you will provide for them. We all know this guy - the guy who is always looking for the next big job that's going to pay him well. Or maybe he quits every job he has because, you know, his boss is a jerk and treats him badly. If your guy gets more W2's in January than you have shoes, he's a hustler and will always be a hustler. Not fun.
• he has some problem that he refuses to acknowledge. You will not fix him, dear. The only man you can change is in diapers. If your guy smokes pot all day or has untreated depression, realize that's what you're getting. He's not going to give up video games for you. He's not going to suddenly realize he has trust issues. It will make your life hell. Women want to fix the broken guy. I understand. But he has to be the one to fix his issues. Make sure it happens before you marry and have children.
• he doesn't make you laugh. When you get old or the sex gets stale, laughter will sustain you. If he's so serious that he doesn't know how to smile, you're going to have a very boring life. My husband and I have more fun than any two people should have. He has made me smile since day one. No one likes David Downer.
• the sex sucks. Nothing more needs to be said on this one!
• you've only been dating a short time.  For the first two years of a relationship, you're basically stoned. Your brain is releasing all of these neat endorphins, and it feels amazing! This is NOT when you marry your partner. Wait a bit. Cool your jets, and don't be in such a hurry. Wait until the buzz wears off and you see the real man. If you still like what you see, then marry him.
• he's already married. I see women all the time go out with married guys. Sigh. Really girls? You can do better than that. I'm going to tell you a secret. His wife really isn't a horrible shrew who withholds sex and emasculates him. That's what he's telling you because you're strange, and men love to get some strange. Proceed with married guy at your own risk - remember, if he did it with you, he'll do it to you.  He won't, you say? Well, he did it with you, didn't he?
• he doesn't have his own place. If he hasn't learned to run his own home by the time he's of marrying age, you're getting a child, not a man.  A man does not want to live with his mom and dad at thirty-five. 
• you fight all the time. This one I've never understood. Why would you marry someone you fight with all...the...time? That isn't fun, that's torture! You fight all the time, and you think this might be your life partner? Holy poop balls. I'd rather have an enema. If you need drama in your relationship, see a therapist...STAT.
• you're too different from each other. My college pysch professor made the comment that like attracts like. Me being full of rightitude promptly spoke up and said, "Opposites attract!" She gave me a stern look and said, "That's true. Opposites attract, but like stays with like." Doh, she was so right. If you have nothing in common with your boyfriend, it's probably not going to work.
• you're settling because you still haven't found love for yourself. Low self-esteem will make you pick a loser every time. More importantly, they will seek you out, because, like a rabid dog, they smell low self-esteem. They will use you and then throw you aside when they're done. Do not fall for this! Love yourself first, then you will attract the kind of man you truly want.

I'm sure you can add to this list! Feel free to leave a comment below!

Knowingly,

Amanda Z

Domesticology

*Name changed