If you love your kid, please vaccinate

If I surveyed one thousand moms and asked them would you die for your child, the entire group would say, "absolutely!" I might ask, "would you throw yourself in front of a speeding bus or step between them and a loaded gun?" Again, the answer would be a resounding "hell yes!" But if I asked that same group if their child is vaccinated, I would get some who would say, no way. And therein lies the trouble.

I'm forty-four years old, and I received my vaccinations. When my girls were born in the late 80's and early 90's, I had them vaccinated - as did every other mother of their generation. It wasn't even a question. You did it, and get this, the kids were fine. Occasionally a child would run a slight fever and have redness at the injection site, but other than that, no one thought twice about it being risky. You know why they didn't? Because it wasn't risky, and due to our diligence, a lot of diseases were all but eradicated.

Fast forward to today and my 11 month-old son lives in a world where diseases once thought gone are now on the rise. He is not vaccinated against measles, because he's not old enough to receive the vaccine. Every time I take him out in public, I now worry if some well-meaning but misguided mom's little darling who is trying to kiss my baby has had his shots. When my girls were little, I never once gave it a thought. Now, I run interference and don't let little kids get near mine. I feel bad, because children are natural love givers, but thanks to their moms believing in bullshit conspiracy theories and pseudo-science, I have to keep them apart.

I met a mom in Walgreens yesterday, and we began discussing vaccines. She didn't vaccinate, she said, because she's allergic to something in vaccines, and her kid might be also. So I ask what it is she's allergic to, exactly? She had no clue. She is this new generation of hippy dippy moms who call themselves researchers, because they read stuff online. They sincerely believe that corporations are out to get them and they just want you to buy their product. Let me be really clear, even if that was the case (which it's not), childhood diseases kill. Corporations didn't make that up - it's a fact. Diseases like the measles aren't just uncomfortable rites of passage for your little one - they maim and kill. Vaccines are one of the best and proven methods we have to protect our children from death, yet some people still don't have their children vaccinated.

My husband is a scientific researcher, so my circle of friends is comprised of a lot of doctors - both Phd's and MD's. Not one of them does not vaccinate. Let that sink in. These people aren't bought by corporations. They are brilliant doctors who are actively researching cures for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's and diabetes. They have spent their entire lives gaining knowledge and working in research. They are legitimate, trained scientists and believe firmly in the scientific method...and they vaccinate. 

Fear is what is propelling this anti-vax moment, and I get it. I'm an older mom, so I've done a lot of reading on autism. I've read the heartbreaking stories from mothers who have children with developmental issues. I know they want and need answers. I understand why they believe their children's problems are from vaccines. Autism often presents itself right about the time kids get their MMR shot. The problem is, correlatuon is not always equal to causation.  That is a hard one for folks to understand, so let me give you an example of how empirical data can be misinterpreted.

When I eat cheese grits, I can barely breathe afterwards. My stomach cramps so violently that I have to lie down for about an hour or more. Based on this empirical evidence (I can see it with my eyes), cheese grits are clearly harmful to the body. You should avoid them. Don't eat them. In fact, I could start writing about it on a blog, and by month's end, I could have an anti-cheese grit movement and maybe even link cheese grits to stomach cancer! I bet I could even find some health-food nuts who call themselves doctors to write some supporting documentation.

Doesn't make sense, does it? But that's how anti-vaxxers get their info. There is no legitimate primary source science to support it, but they still believe it.

Motherhood is hard, and there are many ways to do it.  I don't care if you nurse or don't nurse your baby. He or she will be fine. No baby is harmed if you choose disposable diapers over cloth. Working mom? Stay at home mom? Doesn't matter. We can debate the merits of different parenting styles all day long, but friends, vaccines shouldn't be a "parenting issue" open to debate. The scientific evidence is clear.

Protect your baby and mine - please vaccinate.

If you agree, please share this on Facebook!

Amanda Z
Domesticology

Tip 7 - Embracing Your Inner Iron Chef

Today's blog is part seven of our 10-part series on saving at least $1000 (or more) this year with very little pain on your part. Most of the tips will be easy and won't disrupt your routine!

Most everyone has seen the television program, The Iron Chef.  When you watch it, you know you're about to see a battle of culinary genius, the likes you've never seen before. Your breath is held in anticipation - waiting to see what the secret ingredient will be for that episode. Will it be something as foreign as bull testicles or something as innocent as mushrooms? Who knows? All you know is these cooks can take the most obscure item and turn it into a feast fit for the cover of Epicurious. The taste buds dance at the beauty of the plated meal, which makes you forget for a second that there's no way in Hell you would ever eat cow balls, but they somehow manage to make cow balls look delicious.

What do you have in common with these cooking masters? How does imitating them help you save money? These folks know how to cook, and so should you! They take the ingredients they have on hand and make a tasty meal out of them. Cooking your own meals is one of the top ways to save money. Now, I know, everyone likes to eat out, including my cheap ass. Let's keep it in perspective, however. We went out to dinner last week, and what I spent on that meal equaled a full one-third of my grocery budget for the week! Obviously, I wouldn't trade that time with friends for anything, but imagine if I did that three to four nights per week. Can you see how that adds up? Not only that, cooking your own food is a lot easier (and more fun) than it sounds.

How do you get started?

• Think about what kinds of food you like to eat. You want to cook foods that you find delicious. Based on what your family likes, start attempting to make those dishes at home.
• Keep a well stocked pantry with items that you can throw together into a meal and fast. If you have to go to the grocery store, you're going to cave and get takeout. I always have staples like flour, eggs, milk, rice, beans, tomatoes, vegetables, meats, cheese, etc. I can make a meal at anytime just by shopping in my own pantry or refrigerator.
• Go online and find recipes. Perhaps you like lasagna, but don't know how to make it. Simply Google "Lasagna Recipes." The 'net is full of great suggestions. Check out various lasagna recipes and attempt the one you feel most comfortable trying. If a recipe has 20 ingredients and takes two hours to make, skip it. We're going for yumminess, not complexity.
• Choose your recipe website carefully.  If you're a novice, you probably don't want to start with Bon Appetit or Saveur.  While their food is eye candy for the eating soul, the recipes often require ingredients and a skill level you don't have. Work your way up to the more advanced recipes. For now, visit sites like Betty Crocker or Kraft. They will have very easy starter recipes to help you hone your cooking skills.
• Learn to use your crock pot. The crock pot is truly one of the most awesome inventions of all times. You can throw in a piece of meat, some spices, then turn it on and leave it. What a feat of engineering. You cannot screw up a crock pot meal. It's impossible.  Visit this site to see some neat ideas!
• Join Pinterest. They have some of the most amazing food I've ever seen on that site. When I see a recipe I like, I pin it and look at it later when I'm out of ideas. Check out what your friends are pinning. That will help you try dishes you've never thought of. I've also made some great dishes from recipes my friends post on Facebook.
• A recipe is a guide, not a law. As you get more comfortable, you can tweek the recipe to your taste buds.  You can usually adjust the spicing, for example, without screwing up the recipe. Baking is another matter, and should NOT be tweeked, unless you're a really good cook. Baking is chemistry. 
• Most important, don't give up if the first meal you try isn't stellar. I remember the first time I made steak and gravy. It was inedible and resembled burnt water with some onions floating in it. Now, it's one of my best meals. 

Happy cooking and don't forget to share with your friends on Facebook!

Amanda Z
Domesticology


AmandaZ is the (mature) stay-at-home mom of Pork Chop, Southern gal, thrifty bad a$$ and writer of Domesticology101.com. This blog tackles all things domestic - from child rearing to cooking and home improvement to frugality. All done with a touch of humor and common sense. This is definitely not your mama's home economics site!

10 Reasons It's Great To Be A 40+ Mom!

Welcoming Little Man into the world at 44 years-old

When I had my first child, it was 1987.  Madonna was huge, parachute pants were stylish, and if you were a loser, you were totally grody to the max! I was two months shy of my 18th birthday, and finished high school with an infant in tow. What the hell was I thinking? Even though I was barely out of childhood myself, I had a super support system, and I loved my little girl with all my heart. The second sweetheart came along six years later, and while I was more established, I was still only twenty-four. Yep, as Roseanne Barr said, I had my kids when I was young and stupid like you're supposed to. 

Fast forward, and my beautiful girls are grown, I have a perfect granddaughter, and I'm happily married to a man who has never had kids. After much discussion and research, he and I decided to make a baby. Now, I'm not twenty-four anymore, and I have to admit, I was a bit apprehensive to start over at my seasoned age. Little did I know that getting pregnant at forty-three would be one of the most amazing adventures of my life.

Why is it awesome to be a mom over forty? Since I've had it both ways, I think I have a unique perspective.

Here is why it was easier for me to have had a baby as an older woman...

1. You have more money. Plain and simple. I can remember having to make tough decisions about paying for baby supplies or making rent. There is nothing more depressing than seeing a cute outfit at the store and realizing if you buy it, the lights get turned off or wondering how you can possibly afford diapers this week.
2. You're able to complete your education. This directly relates to having more money. It's really tough (though not impossible) to go to college with an infant. College typically equals higher incomes. 
3. Patience, patience, patience. My son can wake me up at 4 am just to play, and it's okay. When I was in my twenties, that almost killed me. I have no idea what biological mechanism is at work with this one, but I can wake up easier and be more alert at forty. If he's having a bad day, it's easier to take a deep breath, give him a hug and not lose my cool. 
4. Our partying days are already over. In your twenties is the time to hang out with friends and party, if that's your thing. By the time you hit forty, you realize sitting in bars is expensive, and you turn into a homebody. A super Saturday night now is sitting on the floor with Little Man, watching his animal friends DVD and eating homemade nachos (and drinking wine!).
5. You've had time to travel. My husband and I have taken really cool grown-up trips and have lovely memories. Now, we look forward to the Disney vacation or camping in the mountains with our son. We don't feel like we've missed out on traveling at the best time in life to do it.
6. Your relationship is probably more secure if you wait until you're older to find your life partner. The relationships I had when I was younger compared to this one...well there is no comparison. We are friends as well as lovers, and parenting with my husband is a joy. 
7. You really are wiser. I'm sure the 20-something moms will rip me a new one for that one, but it's true. I know way more about life at forty-four than I did at twenty-four. I thought I knew it all when I was younger, but I really didn't. 
8. I'm healthier. That may come as a surprise, but you often eat like shit in your 20's...mainly because it's cheaper to eat that way. I also value exercise now, where in my younger days, I did a lot of sitting. You learn as you get older that if you don't take care of your body, you'll be an old lady before you're ready. Having a baby is a good motivation to stay healthy.
9. I'm a happier person. I've had time to figure out who I am and be content with the woman I've become. When I was young, I was still on a voyage of discovery. It makes parenting easier when you like who you are.
10. It keeps you young! I don't have time to get old right now. My little guy moves at rocket speed, and I have to keep up. He makes me appreciate the beauty of life at a time when many folks no longer see it. I don't see life like an old woman - I get to see it through the eyes of my toddler, and it's great.

Being a parent is a tough job no matter what your age, but it feels easier now when some would call me...gasp... middle aged! Even my pregnancy was easier. I felt healthier and strong.  Are there perks to having kids young? Absolutely! Barring any unforeseen calamity, I will get to see my granddaughter grow up into adulthood. I'll get to be a young grandma with her and have lots of fun. I probably won't get to see my son's kids become men and women, and that makes me sad. There is a good chance I might die when he's in the prime of his life. My mother and father adopted me in their 40's, and I lost them while I was in my late 30's. Plus, it  is super tough to take care of an aging parent while raising your own children.

I'm probably always going to be the oldest mom at story-time, and when I went to my OB/GYN, I saw moms that were young enough to be my kid. You get that awesome AMA (advanced maternal age) stamped on your file, and the nurses always raise their eyebrows when they notice your age. 

But even with all that, I have no regrets. I'm thankful everyday that I've experienced motherhood...whether I was twenty-four or forty-four!

Wisely,

Amanda Z

Domesticology

12 ways to know you're dating Mr. Wrong!

My best friend who keeps me laughing

My good friend Katy* was recently asked how she knew her husband was the one. Apparently, they make having a relationship look easy, and someone wanted to know their secret. The answer is pretty simple, really. She picked the right guy, and he picked the right lady.

I have never bought into the school of thought that marriages are a lot of work. If you're working that hard, you picked the wrong partner. You spend your entire life trying to fit the square peg into the round hole. Why do that?

I've been married three times. The first time was to my high school sweetheart. I'm sure I'll get hate mail for this one, but never marry your high school sweetheart! You have no idea who you will grow up to be and nine times out of ten, you'll grow apart. The second time, my self-esteem was in the crapper, and I married a guy who had so many red flags, I must have been temporarily blind not to see them. Then, out of nowhere, Dr. Z came into my life, and I finally have the type of relationship I've always wanted. I want to save you some pain and have you learn from my mistakes. What did Katy and I do that helped us find the perfect man? Read on!

Don't marry him if....

• your family and friends hate him. If they think he's an asshole, he probably is. I can't tell you the number of women who marry men, even though everyone hates him. I've heard women say, "my mother/sister/friend is just jealous! She doesn't want me to be happy!" Listen, I'm a mom, sister and friend. I've told the girls in my life when a guy is a loser. I do not want them to be unhappy. That's why I point out the asshole qualities of their beau. So remember, if no one in your social group likes your man, DUMP HIM. You may be blind, but they aren't.
• you have to make excuses (see above). If you say comments like, "you just don't get him" or "you caught him on a bad day...he's not usually like that", you're kidding yourself.  Of course he is, honey. You're just embarrassed that we saw it. Grow some gonads and dump his sorry butt.
• he can't hold a job. This may seem petty, but it's not. It's not even about money - it's about stability. You don't want to have children with a man and worry all the time how you will provide for them. We all know this guy - the guy who is always looking for the next big job that's going to pay him well. Or maybe he quits every job he has because, you know, his boss is a jerk and treats him badly. If your guy gets more W2's in January than you have shoes, he's a hustler and will always be a hustler. Not fun.
• he has some problem that he refuses to acknowledge. You will not fix him, dear. The only man you can change is in diapers. If your guy smokes pot all day or has untreated depression, realize that's what you're getting. He's not going to give up video games for you. He's not going to suddenly realize he has trust issues. It will make your life hell. Women want to fix the broken guy. I understand. But he has to be the one to fix his issues. Make sure it happens before you marry and have children.
• he doesn't make you laugh. When you get old or the sex gets stale, laughter will sustain you. If he's so serious that he doesn't know how to smile, you're going to have a very boring life. My husband and I have more fun than any two people should have. He has made me smile since day one. No one likes David Downer.
• the sex sucks. Nothing more needs to be said on this one!
• you've only been dating a short time.  For the first two years of a relationship, you're basically stoned. Your brain is releasing all of these neat endorphins, and it feels amazing! This is NOT when you marry your partner. Wait a bit. Cool your jets, and don't be in such a hurry. Wait until the buzz wears off and you see the real man. If you still like what you see, then marry him.
• he's already married. I see women all the time go out with married guys. Sigh. Really girls? You can do better than that. I'm going to tell you a secret. His wife really isn't a horrible shrew who withholds sex and emasculates him. That's what he's telling you because you're strange, and men love to get some strange. Proceed with married guy at your own risk - remember, if he did it with you, he'll do it to you.  He won't, you say? Well, he did it with you, didn't he?
• he doesn't have his own place. If he hasn't learned to run his own home by the time he's of marrying age, you're getting a child, not a man.  A man does not want to live with his mom and dad at thirty-five. 
• you fight all the time. This one I've never understood. Why would you marry someone you fight with all...the...time? That isn't fun, that's torture! You fight all the time, and you think this might be your life partner? Holy poop balls. I'd rather have an enema. If you need drama in your relationship, see a therapist...STAT.
• you're too different from each other. My college pysch professor made the comment that like attracts like. Me being full of rightitude promptly spoke up and said, "Opposites attract!" She gave me a stern look and said, "That's true. Opposites attract, but like stays with like." Doh, she was so right. If you have nothing in common with your boyfriend, it's probably not going to work.
• you're settling because you still haven't found love for yourself. Low self-esteem will make you pick a loser every time. More importantly, they will seek you out, because, like a rabid dog, they smell low self-esteem. They will use you and then throw you aside when they're done. Do not fall for this! Love yourself first, then you will attract the kind of man you truly want.

I'm sure you can add to this list! Feel free to leave a comment below!

Knowingly,

Amanda Z

Domesticology

*Name changed

The SAHM vs. The Working Mom - Nobody has it easy

When I became pregnant with Little Man, I had all intentions of heading back to work. I began the tedious process of interviewing day care centers and trying to find a place where I could leave him each day without having my heart ripped from my chest. I remember how it felt when I had my girls over twenty years ago. I had to work when they were little, and I hated it. HATED it. My money was needed to pay bills, so not working was never an option.  Fortunately, my mother kept my girls for free and I was able to work, or we would have struggled more than we did.

As I searched, I realized it wasn't just a matter of finding the perfect place - there were certainly centers that would have given him love and care. The problem was, putting him in daycare would have eaten the majority of my salary. Still, I was willing to do it. Fate stepped in, fortunately, and while on maternity leave, my husband was offered a job and I could stay home.

This sounded wonderful to me, as I can remember the pain I felt when I would drop Emily off at preschool and watched the "soccer moms" stroll in looking comfortable and casual in sweats, while I was trying to keep my dress clean and not be late for work. I hated them for their obvious better-than-me attitude, driving their shiny new mini-vans and looking relaxed in their perfectly placed ponytail and yuppie smiles. I can remember one saying, "Oh don't worry, we don't expect you to go on this field trip. We understand you have to work." Ouch.

I was embarrassed to be that mom. The one who missed things because she wasn't rich enough to stay home. The one who had to look at her little one and say, I'm sorry sweetie. Mommy can't get time off this time. I hated the corporate mindset that says, your ass better be at your desk. We don't care that your little one doesn't have her mom on the class trip to the aquarium today. Sure I could take a sick day, but that time had to be saved in case they were too sick to go to school.

Now circumstances have changed, and here I sit - I'm the mom on the other side of the fence. For the first time in my life, I'm the mom who doesn't have to contend with an angry boss or get out of the door on time. I can leisurely start my day with Little Man and a hot cup of coffee (that never actually gets drunk while hot). I don't have to race anywhere with him, so mornings are spent getting cuddles and having play time. This is what I wanted, so it should be perfect, right?

Wrong.

I now see what I never saw before. I didn't realize those moms with their perfect lives maybe didn't have it so perfect. I had no idea that being a stay at home mom had issues I had never even considered. Sure, I get to be with my kid all day, but I get to be with my kid all day. Sometimes, okay a lot of times, I crave the conversation you can only have with another adult. There are days I don't shower and dress because I've not been able to put the baby down long enough to throw on my yoga pants. Never did I think I would crave dressing up, but I do! I never realized those women might not be rich. I mean, they had to be, right? Wrong. They were probably living as tight as I do now.

Now, I live in a town where the majority of women I interact with have advanced degrees. These women are sassy, brilliant and sharp. They talk about politics, policy and their topics of study with an ease that only comes when you're really really smart.  And there I stand in my yoga pants watching them and again, I have that feeling of being different. Is this how those moms really felt watching me when I went off to my "interesting" job, looking polished and put together? Did they envy the fact I earned my own money?  Were they as jealous of me as I was of them?

I don't know. All I know is that we are all moms, and this is one of the toughest journeys we choose in life. It is our responsibility to lift each other up and help one another get through this tough process known as child rearing. Wouldn't it have been amazing if I had reached out to those SAHM moms and they to me when my girls were little? What if we weren't eaten up with petty jealousy, but instead only wanted to help each other? It really does take a village to raise a child, and it doesn't matter if the villagers are wearing sweats or a power suit - we all wear the title of "MOM."

Fondly,
Amanda Z
Domesticology

I need a loan to pay for my kid's birthday party!

As we prepare to celebrate my child's first birthday, I think I better start investigating loans or maybe sell some plasma. In order to have the best party a one-year can have, I should have started planning sooner, like when he was in utero. It's coming up in six weeks, and I haven't made a reservation. All the best places are going to be reserved! I've clearly failed my son.

In all seriousness, kids birthday parties have become complex events that need a "planner" and a "gift registry" so that each little darling birthday boy or girl gets all the attention he or she can take and that perfect, oh so expensive, gift. Boy have things changed.

When I was a little girl, I had birthday parties at our home. A few select, real friends would come over and eat cake and ice cream. Once the very inexpensive gifts were opened (if they even brought one), we would head to my room and play. As you got older, you might even have had a sleepover! That was a birthday party. It was a day that my parents celebrated my arrival into their lives - a day very special to them. To the rest of the world, not so much. It was just another day.

When I read the story this morning about a mom suing her child's playmate's parents for $24 because they were a no-show at her kid's birthday party, I realized people have lost their minds. Seriously. Things have gotten out of control, when a kid's fifth year birthday is as complex to plan as a Bar Mitzvah or a Quinceañera ! As I read the story, I noticed so many things wrong, I don't even know where to start.

First, who the hell spends $24 per kid on a birthday party...at a ski lodge? I remember my parents saying people have more money than brains, but $24 worth? That is insane. Is it any wonder kids grow up thinking that the whole world revolves around them? Let's be clear why people pay $500 for a kid's birthday party - to impress the other parents. It says that we are successful enough that we can blow this kind of money when in reality, my kid would be happy with pizza and some friends at the park.

Second, what happened to following through with your obligations? You don't ask the kid what he or she would rather do. When he initially accepted the invitation, that was it. You don't get to change your mind later. That's horrible manners and poor home training. These are the same people who grow up and don't show at weddings, a place where it is expected to spend top dollar per guest. What if everyone had just decided not to show? You would have had one very disappointed little boy sitting in his fancy ski lodge eating cake alone. Not cool.

But it gets worse. It's bad enough the kid didn't show and mom wants to sue. They went on to do the number one shitty thing parents do to their kids when they are angry - they brought them into the fray.  Party Mom and No Show Dad have started a Jerry Springer-esque battle royal in that fair court of public opinion, Facebook, and now their kids don't even play together anymore. The whole thing makes me sad.

As for our little guy, I think we'll just have some cake and ice cream with little man, family and his one little friend. We will reminisce about the day he was born and how our lives changed completely with the joy of his arrival. There will be no brass bands and carnival atmosphere - just the intense love we have for him. Hopefully, for now, that's enough. If not, I can always hit our 401K.

Fondly,
Amanda Z
Domesticology

My first attempt at Meatless Monday! How did yours go?

Well, it's Tuesday, so that means yesterday was supposed to be meatless. How did you do? Did you make a meatless meal for your family? I posted a blog last week discussing the merits, both for health and frugality, of having one night a week meat-free. It doesn't have to be Monday, of course. Any night that works for you is fine.

I'm going to share one of my favorite vegetarian meals that we just had for supper. Hope you enjoy it!

Spinach Stuffed Lasagna Rolls

10-12 Uncooked Lasagna Noodles
1 small bag of fresh spinach (About 4 cups unprocessed)
1/2 onion
1 8oz container of ricotta cheese
1 egg slightly beaten
8-10 ounces of grated Parmesan cheese
Garlic, Basil, Oregano and black pepper to taste
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups mozzarella cheese
1 Jar of your Favorite Pasta Sauce

While boiling your lasagna noodles, chop the spinach and onion in a food processor.

 If you don't have one, just chop it really well with a knife. 

In a medium bowl, mix the chopped vegetables, ricotta, egg, Parmesan cheese and spices.

Drain the noodles and allow to cool slightly so that you can handle them. Take one noodle and spread the spinach mixture down the length and then roll it up. Place into a 9 X 13 baking dish. 

Repeat until all mixture is gone. 

Next, pour tomato sauce over the top of all the rolls until they are covered completely in sauce. 

Sprinkle mozzerella cheese over the top of the sauced rolls.

Cover with aluminum foil and bake for about 35 minutes. Take the foil off and put back in oven and cook a few minutes more until your cheese is brown.

Enjoy!

Amanda Z

Domesticology