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| My Little Pork Chop at three days old |
When Emily was born, I knew (or thought I did) that she was my last baby. It wasn't easy to get pregnant with her, and my pregnancy was super difficult. Anyone who has suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum knows the pain of which I speak. Constant vomiting made it very difficult to enjoy the pregnancy, but oh how much I loved seeing my little girl born. I had two beautiful, healthy daughters, and I was done. I loved watching them grow up and get big. The next baby in my life would be a grandchild, I thought, and technically, it was! I have a gorgeous granddaughter, and what a joy she is!
You never know what curve ball life will throw you, however, and with the help of modern science, Emrys Henry was born. A boy! Almost twenty years to the day since my last baby! How in the heck can I raise a boy, I wondered? My sister had boys - three to be exact. I always felt that she was better equipped to handle them. Me? I'm better with girls. I often joked if I had a little boy, he would be the prissiest little boy ever, because I have no idea how to raise them. But if you read my blog on gender neutrality, you know that it doesn't matter what you do as a parent, kids will turn out the way they want. Emrys is all boy - he is already pretending to be a monster, crawls under and over everything and is just all around busy. I love it. No danger of being prissy that I can see (not that I care if he's prissy).
But he's definitely growing up, just as his sisters did. That's the problem with having a lot of years between kids. Since I've traveled this road before, I know what's ahead...and I'm not ready for it. He's getting bigger and one day, I know he will leave our home to make his way in the world. I'm just not ready for sports practices and girl drama. I'm not ready to take him on tours of colleges or stay up late worried that he's somewhere in danger. I'm not ready for lippiness and backtalk - but it's coming. I know it.
I want those days of rocking him to last just a bit longer. I want to inhale his sweet baby scent just awhile longer. I want to see him tottering towards me on unsteady legs and reaching out with eager arms. I'm not ready for him to wiggle down to play because he's too busy to be snuggled. I want to capture in my mind and heart that look of baby adoration he has for me right now, today. I'm just not ready for him to grow up.
I'll try to remember the words "we are raising adults, not children" but today, I don't want to think about that. He will be an adult far sooner than I'm ready, and in the meantime, I'll enjoy each baby moment. When he's sleepy, I'll try to sneak in some extra rocking time, and even big boys who walk fall down and need a boo boo kissed. I will not hurry him to the next stage, but will instead enjoy each second of the one he's in. That's a promise, my Baby Pork Chop.
Nostalgically,
Amanda Z
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Really, really good post! I was shocked at how fast time goes by with your kids. I would tell my co-workers who were new parents to enjoy every minute because it will be over before you know it. I was young myself but I guess I remembered my youth being like an eternity, like eons. Imagine my surprise when I found out time was indeed relative. Damn you Einstein!
ReplyDeleteIt really hit me the day I took her to high school. I only had four years until everything changes.. 4 years? What the hell. I also, understood why my parents and parents in general sound like insane prison wardens. We are running on completely different clocks. I remember her asking for her first car. I actually thought, you want to drive? You just learned to walk like 2 weeks ago. You want to go on a date? With a guy? Without my supervision? I don't think so! I remember distinctly actually saying, You march yourself back upstairs young lady because you are not leaving her dressed like that. Yeah, I did that over high heels. It wasn't that I was an insane warden, I just thought I had all this time and somehow it disappeared. So, if you you do your job right then your greatest accomplishment is watching the best part of your life leave you and even if you call and are close.. their home is not your home anymore. So take your time, drink it in and take it all in.